Ghost Toasties (Good Vampires Book 4) by Karl Larew – Humour/Satire, Vampires, Literary

Volume 4 of a trilogy? That’s no typo! It’s just that those Bad Vampires had more mischief up their sleeves—and of course our Good Vampires couldn’t let them get away with it, especially when it seemed the Baddies had a Plot to Destroy Civilization as We Know It! Readers of Volumes 1-3 know that author,  Karl Larew couldn’t leave his readers in the dark…he had no choice but to write a Volume 4. Say hello to Ghost Toasties!

You Newbies, who haven’t YET read the first three volumes, need to know that there are, indeed, vampires on our planet. The Bad Vampires engineer criminal plots to get human blood (which they cruelly gorge on, leaving their victims dead), creating really weird sorts of mayhem throughout the globe. Even Good Vampires have a metabolic need for small amounts of blood, but they have good human friends or, in some cases, human spouses who willingly, even lovingly, meet their needs in a sexy way – and sometimes by serving real Bloody Marys!

The Good Vampires do their damnedest to halt the Baddies’ criminal schemes and to extinguish the Bad Vampire population. That’s why the Association of Good Vampires was created. It’s headquartered in New York City, in the Manhattan mansion of their chief, millionaire Mr. Arleigh Granville. The New York Association’s highest-ranking special agents are Mr. Granville’s vampire wife Inge (converted from Bad to Good Vampirism), Lance and his human wife Carol, and Nigerians Nigel and wife Becky, who are aided by bodyguards Gladdy and Dizzy, along with their wives, twins Helovah and Delivah.

This cast of characters was considerably expanded at the end of Volume 3 by the arrival of five(!) babies—Arleigh Jr., Mary Jane, Reginald, and Pixie and Trixie—born within minutes of each other to the three special agent couples and the two bodyguards and their wives!

Our story begins with Lance wakening Carol from a nightmare. As Lance tries to calm her, they hear a knock at the door. It is their friends and fellow agents, Nigel and Becky, inviting them to go out for a drink. But, as often happens, the phone rings. Inge, Arleigh’s assistant as well as wife, asks the agents to attend an emergency meeting the next morning. “Bring the babies,” she tells them. “Miss Overy (Arleigh’s secretary) can take care of them.” (Isn’t that what secretaries are for?)

Somehow the Baddies have learned about the meeting and two men with pistols kidnap the two couples as they walk to HQ with their babies in strollers. Gladdy and Dizzy, of course, come to the rescue, followed by their wives and babies. Once at the meeting, they learn that at least part of the Baddie plot is in its early stages in Hawaii. But how can the special agents go to Oahu when they have babies needing to be fed and diapered?! It is decided that only the two primary agent couples, and Becky’s pet wolf, Wolfie, will fly to Hawaii in Mr. G’s private plane, leaving Mary Jane and Reginald at the mansion with the Granvilles and Miss Overy. Once in Honolulu, they will enlist the aid of Molly Houlihan and her mother, Holy Moly (friends of the Good Vampires from earlier adventures who now run a whore house called the Ukelele Girl) and Beatrice, a prostitute with a heart of gold (well, maybe silver).

But first they visit the laboratory of Dr. Lester Griswold, Ace Scientist of the Good Vampire Association, who presents them with his newest gadgets, including an Ectoplasmic Dissolver Ray Gun that toasts ghost ectoplasm to a crisp, turning it into “ectoplasmic ghost-toasties” (Aha!). It can also destroy the electronic triggers of nuclear bombs, which the Baddies are apparently collecting for their plot to blow up special targets around the world.

After the agents pick up their reinforcements at the airport, they head for Bernie Ernie’s house near Opana, where they find a machine labeled Ectoplasmic Synthesizer. When Bernie unsuspectingly arrives, they capture him. He agrees to help, spilling the beans, including news that the Big Boss is called Mr. Very Big (big help!). But who is Mr. Very Big, where is he, and will he continue with his plan to destroy the world? There’s only one way for you, dear reader, to find out, and will you ever be surprised!

No need to bite your fingernails, however. You know you can trust Karl Larew’s Good Vampire special agents to complete their assignment and get home to their BABIES, especially after an urgent call from Chief Granville:  “All the diapers are dirty, and the washing machine’s broken down… COME HOME AT ONCE!”

“The Bad Vampires strike again, but this time our Good Vampires have a secret weapon to make Ghost Toasties in the much anticipated and hilarious fourth “spooks and spoofs” book in Karl Larew’s Good Vampire trilogy.” –Chanticleer Reviews