CATCHING RAIN: A Woman Rediscovers Herself in Stories Her Lover has Forgotten by Sandi Paris – Memoirs, Surviving Loss, Dementia

Sandi Paris’s Catching Rain is a remarkable tribute to life and all that it brings.

The opening sentence of the first chapter, “My lover has left me” introduces the anguished voice of the author who feels abandoned when her beloved husband forgets her secrets.  This powerful memoir weaves provocative and inspiring memories of the past through stages of her husband’s rare dementia. Paris uses humor and occasional rage to fuel her journey through the catastrophe of his illness, while readers are invited to laugh through tears.

A diagnosis of FTD (Frontotemporal Deterioration) shatters the beautiful life Sandi Paris and her husband Randy Brown created. Having an explanation of why his brilliant mind and athletic, 6’3” body are faltering at such a young age does not prepare them for the devastation to come. Careers end and dreams of the future crumble while bank accounts are drained. The spectacular wildlife garden they developed together is still young when it becomes clear that their community cannot meet the growing challenges of FTD.  As Randy’s bizarre behaviors increase, Paris desperately seeks the care her devoted life partner is denied. Once that care is secured, she must fight to maintain it.

 The vivid memories that weave through Catching Rain are told in the style of epistolary writings to the author’s spouse when he no longer remembers how she became the woman he loved. Readers are immersed in both past and present when vignettes rise during poignant or outrageous present-day experiences with dementia. Retelling her stories infuses the author with love and determination.

This consciously focused literary composition exposes gaps in the safety net of dementia care and end-of-life choices. It also reflects on broader societal issues that continue to be relevant today. By revisiting the values shared with her husband, Paris resurrects the deep intimacy and trust their relationship took root in. The heart wrenching story of her disabled son’s birth reminds her to stand and speak for Randy when he loses his voice. Revisiting experiences of religious intolerance prepares her to protect him from people who attempt to override his personal values and wishes.

By retelling horrifying generational experiences of misogyny and patriarchy, Paris is reminded how Randy himself made changes that gave her hope.  Describing his anguish over the brutal murder of their gay friends, brings focus to the ongoing need to ensure  social and racial justice for everyone, including our LBGTQ communities. Catching Rain promotes change by infusing personal experiences with broader social advocacy.

Sandi Paris and others like her are relentless in their pursuit of respectfully compassionate care for those facing devastating conditions like FTD. Catching Rain will resonate and impart wisdom and grit to readers who feel alone with their own struggles through end-of-life care and decision making. It also serves as a resource for caregivers and loved ones by providing detailed descriptions of Randy’s disease progression along with suggestions for financial survival and creative management of dementia behaviors or administrative mishaps.

What begins as a head-on confrontation with FTD dementia eventually surrenders to the inevitable. Acceptance brings a measure of peace at the end of Randy’s life. These intensely intimate stories are intended to honor both tragic and joyful moments.  Readers are encouraged to get uncomfortable and accept unexpected burdens.  Paris challenges us to climb the damn mountain!

Sandi Paris lights a light with Catching Rain that illuminates her journey of love in action. It is highly recommended!

Catching Rain by Sandi Paris won First Place in the 2022 CIBA Journey Awards for Overcoming Adversity Non-Fiction.